I have never liked a job. Not once.

I Have Never Liked a Job. Not Once.
It started when I was twelve.

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The woman my mother lived with decided I should be working. She told my mother. My mother listened. That was that.

At twelve we moved to Arizona. The woman decided I should be mowing yards.

I didn’t have a lawnmower.

She found the yards anyway. Other people’s yards, other people’s mowers. I would show up at a stranger’s house, use their equipment, cut their grass in the Arizona heat until my shirt was soaked through and my arms were numb from the vibration, and then the woman my mom lived with would take the payment. I never held it. I never counted it. I never bought anything with it. It went somewhere between my mother and the woman and I knew, the way you know things at twelve, that asking about it was not something I was going to do.

Then I was fifteen. Sophomore in high school. One day my mother told me to get in the car. She didn’t say where we were going. We drove and stopped in front of a nice restaurant — nicer than anything we ate at, nicer than anything I associated with my own life and she said we’re going to get you a job.

That was the whole explanation.

We walked in. They hired me on the spot. I started that day.
Fifteen years old. Forty-five hours a week on top of school.

I don’t remember what I thought about while I worked. I don’t think I thought about much. You learn to go somewhere else in your head when your body is doing something it didn’t choose.

I never saw any of that money either.

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I have had jobs across my whole life since then. Different cities, different countries, different decades. I have never liked a single one of them.

I used to think that was something broken in me.
Now I think I just understood the deal too early.

It would have made a huge difference if there had been some discussion about it.

I’ve work everyday since.

—Neon