The life skill no one in my family ever learned

Hey friends,

I spent most of my life without a plan.

Not because I didn’t care about the future.

Not because I was reckless.

Because no one ever taught me how to think that way.

Some families pass down money.

Some pass down education.

Mine passed down something different. Survival mode.

You deal with what is in front of you.

You pay the bills.

You get through the next crisis.

Thinking five, ten, or twenty years ahead? That wasn’t part of the code.

For a long time, I didn’t even realize I was living that way.

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The Invisible Code

If you have been reading this newsletter, you know I have been exploring the idea that we all run invisible scripts from childhood. Last issue I talked about the idea of childhood code, the beliefs and habits we inherit without choosing them.

This is one of mine.

React now.

Figure it out later.

When your environment is unpredictable, planning can feel pointless. If the ground keeps shifting beneath your feet, why bother drawing a map?

So I didn’t.

I moved through life reacting, adapting, improvising.

I did okay.

But there is a hidden cost to living that way. Eventually the future arrives and you realize you never prepared for it.

The Decision That Still Echoes

Seven years ago I made a big decision.

I left Japan.

Japan had become my home away from home, the rhythm of daily life, the culture, the sense of belonging. My wife and I had built a life there.

But my mom needed help in the United States.

At the time it felt like the right thing to do. Maybe it was.

But here is the truth.

I didn’t think about the long-term consequences.

I didn’t stop and ask the bigger questions.

What if this takes years?

What happens to the life we built in Japan?

What will it cost emotionally, financially, and personally?

I was still running the old code.

Handle the problem in front of you.

Worry about the rest later.

When Later Finally Arrives

Last August my mother died.

On her birthday.

That moment changed everything. For years I had structured my life around being here for her. When she passed, something strange happened. The responsibility that kept me here was suddenly gone.

And with that came a new realization.

Now I am free to go back to Japan.

But the life we had there no longer exists. Time moved on.

The future I never planned for is now standing right in front of me.

The Reality I Am Facing Now

Today my life looks very different.

There is a house here.

A car in the driveway.

Six pets who are part of our family.

And my wife’s life and dreams intertwined with mine.

At the same time, Japan is still calling to me.

Returning there is not simple.

I don’t find getting the Visa difficult. I was a permanent resident for many years, but it’s the process. I will be starting all over again.

Moving across the world becomes harder as you get older.

There is another factor too.

In about ten years I will be reaching retirement age. That means the decisions I make now may shape the rest of my life. And unlike when I was younger, I may not get many more chances to completely start over.

Better Late Than Never

I wish someone had shown me how to think this way when I was younger. It might have changed a lot.

But regret is not useful unless it teaches you something.

So now I am doing something new.

I am slowing down and thinking deeply about the future, not just reacting to it. I am planning where I want to live. I am planning how I will earn income. I am planning what life might look like if things go wrong.

It is uncomfortable.

But it is also strangely empowering.

For the first time, I am trying to rewrite the code.

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Next Time

In the next issue I will share something unexpected. The tools I am using to think about the future.

They include meditation, long-range thinking exercises, and something surprising.

AI.

Instead of fearing it, I have started using AI to explore possible futures and stress-test life decisions. It is changing how I think about planning entirely.

We will dig into that next time.

Until then, I am curious.

Have you ever realized you were running a life script you did not choose?

Reply and tell me your story. Your replies are one of the best parts of writing this newsletter.

— Neon